I have the power to be happy

I dont know why, but i always end up focusing on all the bad things in my life. Ive kinda been known for my mood swing and anger issues...but im getting sick of it. I dont want to be known for my hate anymore. My amazing boyfriend has brought a light in my world that is showing me...that i dont have tonhateneveryone! Omg! What?! So..... There it is. It isnt exactly easy though.. I still see life as pointless. Which makes keeping my relationship very difficult... But in the end..i need to remember that its worth it. He treats me like a princess, yeah he may not fully understand me at times and he may frustrate me...but he loves me. He really does. I know that he does. I can work on things with him because he makes me so happy. Going a day without seeing him is almost torturous... Most of our problems could be solved if i could just calm down... But thats where he doesnt understand how near impossible that seems for me. I just need to remember that. I also need to get another job. I love my job but i am just not getting enough hours! If i had something to distract me more i think i wouldnt put so much importance on seeing my bf as much as possible. That will be tested this weekend when i have to work saturday and he doesn't.

"Friends"

What is the point? Joy? Having others in your life to care about? Well then i may need to redefine what i call friends. My friends fill my life with drama and sadness. The last time i was happy while with them was a long long time ago. Lately my "closest" friend, rebekah, has found herself in love with someone who barely likes her back... At least in public. I always feel so bad for her when i see them together..like shes the one working so hard to keep it looking like a ralationship.
Now, my boyfriend cant live without his friends! He literally needs them as if theyre a life source for him. This obviously confuses me, not only because i couldnt care less aboout my "friends" but also because his friends are all retarded and treat him like crap! They all have their own lives. They like him around because hes a wonderful and generous person. But they, for the most part, misuse him and i hate them for it.

Change

So things are changing.... a lot and I wish it was easier to let it happen. I know change can be good but all of it is scary. I went from dating my best friend and going to a local community college and working at kmart to breaking my best friends heart, dropping out, and getting fired. I am now dating someone who turned out to be the best person ever for me. Not working. And contemplating seriously about going to the paragon school for dog grooming which could be fun but it is all so intimidating. I am 20 years old and it is still so difficult to accept growing up. I have to make so many decisions that will pretty  much make up my entire future. This is all giving me a head ache.... which brings me to another horrible thing about growing up. I am on so much medication for migraines that I can't even keep track of which drugs is causing which symptoms. I am dizzy and nauseous almost always and my headaches haven't changed at all. Also, all of my friends are drifting apart which I honestly saw coming for a while now and I am ok with it. Its just how life usually works out! Its rare for people to stay friends when they have their own lives and problems to deal with. It isnt a bad thing either, its natural and shouldn't be too hard for us to deal with but as usual the Schoenborns are being overly dramatic. I am going to sleep now cuz this is straining my eyes and I would rather not wake up in the morning with a migraine.

JONAS CONCERT!!!

Jonas Brothers Concert!!

OMG me and becky got tickets!! omg we are soo excited and i can't wait!! we are doing soo much planning and were gonna make t-shirts that say who our favorites are!! lol her sister and my dad are also comming so my dad is gonna wear a shirt that says "i love Kevin!" lol!!! soo funny right!!?!?! lol and her sister likes bonus Jonas Frankie...lol little weirdo!! lol and Becky likes nick and of corse i get the wild sexy beast!! JOE JONAS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! lol sorry i love him soo much!! lol and me and Becky and gonna have the same cell phone case!! so its gonna be like were half matching and stuff..lol ....ok now for a deeper thought ..isn't it weird on how..if you have talent and use it and get discovered..YOU could have ppl you don't even know screaming over you just like...without like ..you even knowing...but idk he is soooooooooooo cute!!lol so much for me being "so deep" lol! im sorry i can't help it!! i mean look into his eyes....they just lure me into them!! and him being so silly omg and he listens to the weird songs i love!! its insane! lol

My Dog Max

I love my doggy max. He is the cutest thing ever. He is a red Australian Shepherd mixed with a little husky and he has two different colored eyes! He is so unique and he is all mine! when i go to collage he will come with me! Everyone loves him and he is scared of everything. But we think he was miss treated when he was growing up. We found burn marks on his legs and when ever we have a candle or even a lighter he runs and hides :( i feel so horrible when he gets that scared look on his face! :(.He is so scared of everything! he pees like all the time ...like when we come home and stuff....we even sometimes call him "dog with the golden trail "!! lol so funny!! but it was so funny on how we got him..we were looking for a dog..but i wanted a small one..and well i think my mom heard about this lady with an extra dog at work. The story is he was walking around house to house before this dog trainer took him in. She knew his owners and they told her to keep him. she already had four other dogs so she was giving him away to a good home.My parents went down there and got him...i came home from school and saw a bag of dog food..a really big bag....he came up to me with those cute big brown?white-ish blue eyes ( LOL ) and i knew that a smaller dog could wait!! i loved him so much and i so totally still do!!

:) yay me! :) ♥